Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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