Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize