you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
