There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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