She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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