my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
