Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
