I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
