Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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