There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
