why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
