we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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