were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize