Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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