Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Screwed.edu
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize