I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
