This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
