I don't usually arrange sex via text message
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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