I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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