my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
