She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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