Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize