end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
