i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
