It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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