is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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