We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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