Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
