I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Randomize
