Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Still dying that you shit outside
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
