She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
COCAINE IS GR8
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
