She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
