He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
