dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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