Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
