Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
