It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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