this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
