I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
