Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
