You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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