Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
