fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize