Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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