after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
