What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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