I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
