I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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