I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
