My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
