Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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