i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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