Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
