You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
