This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Randomize
