its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
