what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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