i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
