Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
