So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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