There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
