so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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