And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
