Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
