Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
