OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
