i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
