You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize